I have decided that I want a Cape Sundew.
The Cape Sundew, or Drosera capensis, is a carnivorous plant from South Africa. While its prolific growth and abundance of readily-germinating seeds renders it a weed in its native clime, the Cape Sundew is of human interest for its brightly colored tentacles, which secrete a sticky substance to ensnare flies.
I want a Cape Sundew because I have an infestation of fungus gnats in my house. They keep flying in my face (and food and hair and computer and bed), and I have conceived in my heart an unholy and impassioned hatred for them. I looked them up and found a lovely forum on the UBC Botanical Garden’s website that said “Fungus gnats are surprizingly highly attracted to the sundews (a new sundew in an established fungus gnat poulation will quickly generate a suicide-vortex of gnats) and the sticky leaves quickly become clogged with their pathetic little bodies.”
Yes. That is what I want. I want to see their pathetic little bodies ensnared within the irresistible and sticky embrace of the Sundew. I will glory in their despair. My heart is consumed with hate and vengeance shall be mine. They have made me miserable so long.
This thing is going to be my best friend. I can’t wait. I hope they sell them at my local nursery.