Since I’m up at 2 in the morning with no one to talk to anyway, let’s talk about Goliath!

Here’s a question for you Bible freaks:

How did Goliath die?

A. David chopped his head off.

B. He was hit in the head by a stone from David’s slingshot.

C. Skin cancer.

D. He was stoned by an angry crowd of Pharisees.

B. is obviously the right answer. Every self-respecting, Sunday School-attending, Jesus freak knows that. The brave little shepherd boy, David, went out against the seasoned fighter, Goliath. David goes without armor or weapon, even though King Saul offers the best there is. David knows that he isn’t fit to use them. He takes the weapon he knows best: the slingshot, and five smooth stones from a little brook. For his armor, he has only faith in the LORD; and that’s all he needs! One stone, and Goliath is a goner. History. Pushing daisies.

Well, turkeys; guess what! That’s not what happened!!!! Bom bom BOM!!!

The correct answer is A. David chops his head off.

Please tell me; did you know this? Am I the only goody little Christian girl who thought she knew everything about the Bible, only to find out something like this? Did you know that Goliath wasn’t actually killed by David’s slingshot? Seriously; please tell me you didn’t know that. It’ll make me feel better if I know I’m not the only one.

So this is how it really happened: David takes his slingshot and Ka-POW!!s it into Goliath’s face. Goliath goes hurtling to the ground, senseless. Then, as 1 Samuel 17:51 tells us, “Therefore David ran and stood over the Philistine, took his sword and drew it out of its sheath and killed him, and cut off his head with it.

Maybe you did know that. Maybe I’m the only one who just assumed that the slingshot killed Goliath, end of story. For a long time, I didn’t bother reading the Bible on my own very much. When a friend scolded me for it, I thought to myself, “Psh. I read it every week at church, don’t I? Don’t I go to youth group every Saturday night and learn about it? Didn’t I go to AWANA and get it drilled into my brain when I was a kid? I know the Bible. I really don’t have to.”

I assumed I knew just about everything there was to know. I was pretty sure I had it covered. You know what? For a large part, I did. But there’s always more. I assumed I knew it all, only because I knew more than most other people. But knowing the Bible and knowing the Bible a little better than average are very different things. Don’t assume you have it covered, just because you’re a homeschooled Christian kid. Don’t assume you know it all just because you go to church three times a week. Don’t assume there are no surprises left, just because you’re the Christian kid everyone goes to for all the answers.

Go read your Bible sometime. Re-read the old stories. Read the bits you usually skip over. You might be surprised.

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2 thoughts on “Since I’m up at 2 in the morning with no one to talk to anyway, let’s talk about Goliath!

  1. Okay, so I did not realize that David felled Goliath with a slingshot AND THEN finished him off with the sword. There’s a pretty good chance that there’s a song about it that only mentions the slingshot; vague, childhood memories are so frustrating; it’s like trying to taste a scent; you can, and you can’t.

    Clearly, I like semi-colons. I’ve just read the above over, and it flowed a lot better in my mind, so I obviously don’t think in sentences or with words or phrases that conjoin thoughts so that your audience can actually follow you instead of looking at you like you’re a butterfly with boxing gloves and a saxophone I also tend to say “you” when I really mean “I.”

    And now I’m going to stop typing because I’m talking about my response more than actually responding to your post. I blame the hour.

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