Green Service and My Big Mouth

We had a very, very, very, VERY strange church service today. They decorated the sanctuary to look like a jungle and children brought their stuffed animals and processed in solemnly with them. Worse still, the Prayers of the Day included banana slugs and salmon.



I understand that composting is a very hot topic right now, but I’m afraid I did not find the experience very worshipful. Later, I vented to my good pals and fellow churchmen David and Nicole.

Sofia: That was very strange and corny. I didn’t like it at all. I wanted to laugh throughout the whole thing. If I was visiting this church for the first time, I would have thought it was some sort of cult and skedaddled right out in the middle. Rah rah rah rah rah!

David: Calm down, Sofia; I didn’t think it was that bad . . .

Nicole: I liked it. The kids were fun.

I ended up having dinner with David ‘s family and Pastor’s. Then it happened.

Pastor: So, how did everyone feel about today’s service? Is there anything that we feel could be improved upon? Thoughts? Comments? Concerns?


Sofia takes a huge bite of salad and crunches slowly. David studiously avoids her eye.

Mrs. David’s Mom: I thought that part where we got into groups and shared our feelings about trees was very, very interesting, and I felt . . .

Oh please, oh please don’t go around the table and ask everyone. Please, oh please do not!

“Sofia, tell us what your feelings were!”


Sofia: “Oh well, Nicole and I were talking about it, and we agreed that the procession of children was very cute.”

Sofia takes a huge bite of steak. She masticates it slowly and deliberately, and fortunately becomes very interested in having a staring contest with the six-year-old sitting across from her, which quickly dissolves into a tickle war.

Later on Facebook, Nicole posts: “What did you think of Creation Sunday?”

Yeah right, Nicole. I’m not falling for that. You know who’s on Facebook? Pastor is on Facebook, that’s who. I’m not leaving evidence in writing in place like that. No way, Hosea. You can’t fool me. I might not have enjoyed the service, but I’m not about to broadcast that little piece of information all over the internet where anybody and everybody can see it. I’ll just leave the whole sordid tale of duplicity and two-facedness here on my blog, read by twos of people a day.

The End.



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