I got super-excited yesterday. Why, you ask?
Because I found out about hatpins.
A hatpin is a long pin with which a lady pins her hat to her hair. The head of the pin is decorated with beads or gems or rhinestones or other sparkly and wonderful things. They were very popular in the Victorian and Edwardian eras, and where hats became more and more fantastically ginormous, their faithful pins followed suit. Indeed, many women took notice and set about using them as self-defense weapons, as shown below. Unfortunately, accidental injury was also common, and laws were eventually imposed in several large cities to ban hatpins which were found to be ridiculous in length.
Personally though, I’m not looking for a mini-sword; I have pepper spray for that. I actually want my hat to stay on. When I was 13 I bought a fabulous old-school wide-brimmed straw hat from a musty little shop in Chinatown (it was actually a range hood store, but they also sold straw hats and folding fans and fake Chinese money and all the other random stuff they sell in musty little shops in Chinatown). Unfortunately, my fabulous, old-school wide-brimmed straw hat had a very shallow crown and would not stay on. I tried numerous remedies, but to no avail. The fabulous old-school wide-brimmed straw hat was delegated to the top shelf of my closet.
Sometimes when I find out things like this, I get frustrated with old people. Why didn’t any of them tell me? If I hadn’t randomly ordered that one book of millinery techniques from the library, I would have gone through life without knowing about hatpins. My fabulous old-school wide-brimmed straw hat would have never again seen the light of day. Old people! Why? Why don’t you tell me about these things? Don’t ask me how school is; school is a blur of constant and eternal sameness. Besides, who wants to talk about school? Not me. Please; talk to me about hatpins.
Unfortunately, hatpins are expensive. At the antique mall today I could not find a single one under $50. Sofia is a miser and can’t buy things that cost $50. It’s morally impossible. That means that Sofia will have to figure out how to make her own hatpins. Unless!! An unknown admirer with a burning hole in his pocket decides to buy them for her!!!
Yeah, somehow I think I’ll be making my own. My “admirers” give me Qurans and slate boards.