I have a friend. His name is Ryan.
At least, I think he’s a friend.
I mean, every time I talk to him, I feel like ripping my hair out and wringing his neck with it – But! I do have an awful lot of fun talking to Ryan (and getting mad at him and feeling like strangling him).
Does that even make sense?
Well, whatever. Ryan’s a 6th grader and I’m a weirdo, and 6th graders and weirdos don’t have to make sense. It’s just one of many fabulous privileges that 6th graders and weirdos have. Plus, although there is a certain amount of tension in our relationship, we have a common bond:
I’m afraid it’s my fault; normal, healthy 6th grade boys aren’t generally into the whole knitting revival that’s going on (did you even know that there’s a knitting revival going on?). But it really started off pretty innocently; we were both at a church retreat last weekend. There I was, knitting away at my sock, when Ryan the 6th Grader comes along:
Ryan: What are you doing?
Sofia: Knitting socks.
Ryan: You’re going really SLOW. I thought you’d be, like, a speed demon. OMG, you like, totally FAIL.
Sofia(getting annoyed): You know what, Ryan? You know what?
Sofia(losing it): Okay, you know what? Here, Ryan, you do this! Let’s see how fast you can make knit-2-purl-2 ribbing!
Ryan(joyful at the sight of Sofia’s anger): Okay!!
And you know what? That little meanie was knitting; slow but steady, in all about 2 minutes.
I wasn’t that much younger than Ryan when I learned; the torture and headache of those hours in which I languished will haunt me to my dying days (well, okay, perhaps not).
And now here’s Ryan the 6th Grader, knitting away in 2 minutes.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHH!!!!!! The injustice of it all.
But don’t take me too seriously; no matter how much I would like to strangle my precocious friend, I am really proud; it didn’t end there. Oh no, my dear reader, no. After that, every time he saw me, he’d scream: “SOFIA!!!!! CAN I KNIT?!?!?!” before seizing my sock. Who am I to nip creativity in promising young seedlings such as Ryan? Thus, instead of being productive with my time, and getting a lot of knitting done, I was reduced to snipping the split ends off the tails of my braids, and occasionally helping him out when he dropped stitches.
I seriously think he liked my sock more than he liked me. He got really into it. There are a few videos of the retreat floating around Facebook, and in each one that Ryan the 6th Grader appears, he’s either knitting, or bragging about his skills.
“So I’m like, really good at knitting. I can do like, a knit every 5 seconds. Yeah, I’m like, really fast.”
As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right!
Go figure. See ya ’round. I got homework to do.