Golden Advice for Single Ladies

I’m getting a lot of hits from people looking for “dork skirts.” How very flattering.

Anyway, the last couple of days I’ve been doing clinicals for my nurse’s aide class at a local nursing home. Other than hands-on, real-life peri-care (quite an experience for the uninitiated), I’ve gleaned a lot of golden advice from the elderly, plus a few of my fellow nurse’s aides. Don’t disparage Grandma’s love advice; ’cause she’s been there and done that. Here are some of my favorites:

1. Don’t date pot-bellied men.

A golden piece of advice from a saucy lady named Johnni who isn’t afraid of speaking her mind. “Honey,” she told me sagely whilst I was attempting to pull her up higher in bed,  “doan’ you even look at a pot-bellied man. Doan’ give ‘im a chance! He just goana git himself comfurble an’ eat a whole lot more an’ guzzle beer. Jus’ doan’ do it!”

2. Even if there are cute boys on the loose, watch where you’re going.

“Hoo-ee! It was 1972 an’ I was runnin’ aroun’ Downtown Seattle when I saw me my first South American man. His shiny black hair went clear down his back an’ he was jus’ so darn cute, I went and walked myself into a tellyphone pole! But at least he stopped an’ made sure I was okay.” ~Johnni

3. If you want to pick up a date, and you don’t care about physical appearances, go work in a nursing home.

I don’t care what you look like. Older men will appreciate your inner beauty. Just trust me on this one.

4. If you want the income and prestige of a doctor without going to school for ten years, marry one.

It’s simpler. It may not be easier, but it’s definitely simpler.

5. Wait until you get married.

It gives him some incentive to, you know, actually marry you.

6. Be nice to strangers. One of them might be Mr. Right.

I asked a lady how she’d met her husband. “Well,” she said, rubbing her grizzled chin, “He was a butter salesman. I was with my land-lady buying groceries when I met him. When we were walking out the door, I said to my land-lady,’You know, I think I’ll marry him.’ She said, ‘Oh, you’re crazy!’ Six months later, we were married.

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